Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Roach, the twin, the foot stomper, and so on...

Close your eyes and imagine this....

A 22 year old girl living at home with parents, her sister and kiddos (4 cuties) staying the summer. Now picture the parental units, the sista and kidz gone away for a trip while this beautiful wonder had to stay home and work... Blech! Since you have that on your mind, me being the 22 year old girls, let me fill you in.

Everyone who was staying here at the humble abode, which I call home, had left to go on a small vacation. I couldn't get the time off work, and cannot afford to miss any time. So I was left at home alone. Now they'd left early Tuesday and hadn't come home til Saturday.

The first night, Tuesday, I walk to the down stairs bathroom to wash my face. Only to stumble upon a the roach!!! It was on the bathroom floor, near my bathtub, on the tile, face up. Oh to fool! It was STILL alive. So I shout "AARGH! THERE'S A BUG! SOMEONE GET IT!!!"

Then I remember that I am the only one at home. Not to be alarmed b/c I think to myself, "Meh! I'll just leave it. If it is still there when I'm home from work tomorrow (Wednesday) I will kill the roach myself." OF COURSE it's there when i'm home (Rather have it there then somewhere else!!!). So I get my crap-tastic flipper flop and place toilet paper (tp) on my shoe, then smoosh the roach. Job well done, I flush the roach down the toilet, go to sleep, wake up and go to work on this Wednesday morning...

I come home only to find the twin! Blah!! The exact replica of the roach in the same place, same postition struggling!!! YES! It didn't even have the gall to pretend to be dead til I smashed him. So I run quickly for my shoe, grab some tp, smash the twin, and FLUSH that nasty. Then I get ready to go out with my boy.

While out, I tell this handsome about my heoric story of standing up to the devils! Very proud of me, he jokes and I joke that it'd be just disgusting and out-right RUDE if I stepped on one... we laugh and keep going about our time. Sleep and work come next.

After work on Thursday, well technically on the drive home, I am thinking that if there is another bug, I will be beyond mad.

So I get home, take off everything and put on my comfy short and shirt and walk down stairs (tennis shoes on). I walk into the down stairs bathroom and am glorified NOT to find another roach on the ground.

Satisfied, I walk to get myself a drink. Pouring myself some milk, I walk back.... Then I step on something. Kind of squishy like. Then out loud (yes to myself) I say "Ah crap! One of the kids dropped something on the floor!"

Look down.

!!!HORROR FILLS MY EYES AS I REALIZE WHAT I STEPPED ON!!!!

THE FOOT STOMPER! I STEPPED ON A ROACH! *how is it even possible when those things run so fast! why would one just be waiting for me!*

Now furious I run, grab that same flipper flop, kill the nasty, flush THE FOOT STOMPER, and then have a LOOOOOONG shower, in which I scrub everything very thoroughly.

Pleased, and very clean, I walk down stairs, turn on the TV and just chill out. After about an hour or so, my dogs start to bark. I lazily start to get up, slowly. However I see something out of the corner of my eye. Utterly upset at the idea of another roach I look up to see what I thought I had seen. At first I hadn't seen a thing, relief washed over all to soon. Because then I saw it move. A camolfouged, GINORMOUS Cricket (I swear this thing was mother to 1,000. Or so it looked like...)! The antenna thing moved. Miffed I run again, grab my shoe, brush it off the couch, smoosh that, flush it, then call a handsome boy. He picks up and I nearly scream, "OH MY GOSH! I am so MAD! I killed two bugs, JUST stepped on one, and ALMOST was the appetizer of another!!! I NEEEEED to get out!"

And so we go out for a bit.

Then I come home, my yearly quota for bug keeling OVER and done with, then sleep and don't see another one.

My parents come home, I start helping to unpack and I see a roach. Trying. To. Get. Into. My. House! I step on it.

My dad is home and can kill the rest! ha!

The END!

Peace!

3 comments:

Verity Kae said...

EWWWWWWWWWW!!! The first married fight Jake and I had was over two nasty cockroaches! hahahah!

Jeff and Rachael Downs said...

I'm officially grossed out. Congratulations :)

(I do give a 'bravo' to your heroic efforts in murdering the nasty things...I couldn't have done it, haha!)

Mary said...

Meredith, this is sick and disgusting. Why does your house have so many roaches?!?!?!?